


the stars shine in your eyes

by angstonly



Series: we're under the same moon [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hope you enjoy!!, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, Strangers to Lovers, so much uwu in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 18:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21213305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/pseuds/angstonly
Summary: jaemin swears his heart stopped for a second when he sees jeno from across the classroom. jeno catches his gaze and flashes a smile at him, bringing up a hand to wave slightly. jaemin quickly averts his eyes and shakily taps at his phone, sending a hurried text to the other.jaemin : WE’RE IN THE SAME CLASS? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?jeno: i didn’t think you would talk to me if i led with that uwu(or: jaemin grieves the loss of his best friend and meets jeno who puts a smile on his face for the first time in a long time)





	the stars shine in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a while since i've lasted posted a fic online (they're mostly sitting on my drive lmao) but i really wanted to share this!! enjoy all the soft and uwu nomin :') follow me on twitter @angstonly:'))))

all he does is go to school then go straight home. but sometimes na jaemin doesn’t know why he still goes to class. he barely pays attention anymore. he never talks to anyone. he’s pretty sure everyone’s afraid to speak to him anyway. he’s lost his smile since tragedy struck and took his best friend from him. gone along with it is a lot of his motivation to do _anything_.

but he made a promise. he’ll graduate for _him_ too.

“hi, hyung. it’s me, na jaemin.”

the night air hangs heavy like his heart as he sits in front of the han river. he holds his head high, staring up at the sky with his vision blurred by the tears pooling in his eyes. “one year,” he says to the stars. “it’s been one whole year since that night. i miss you, hyung.”

he sighs heavily as his gaze locks onto the river, watching the gentle flow of the water. he’s here again—alone. the memories of all the picnics haunt him and he could almost just reach out, and he’d be there again. but reality is another tragedy in and of itself, and the tears continue to flow.

“hey, are you—” a voice calls his attention and jaemin stiffens, refusing to look at the stranger that now stands close. the stranger clears his throat and takes the empty seat beside him, following after his gaze toward the river. “if you don’t mind, i’d like to keep you company.”

jaemin stays still, fingers curling into his palms at the thought of someone witnessing his despair. yet for a brief moment, there is relief. it’s been so long since he had last been in the company of another that the stranger provides him an odd comfort he isn’t used to anymore.

wordlessly, na jaemin nods. and it doesn’t take much longer until he’s weeping on the other’s shoulder, his grief no longer just his alone. the stranger wraps an arm around him, large hands stroking jaemin’s arm in a way that surprisingly soothes him. and when his tears finally stop, jaemin pulls away and looks at the other’s face with a small shy smile. “thank you,” he says with a slight dip of his head. “i— honestly… when he died, it felt like i lost everything. it _feels_ like i lost everything. so i’ve been very lonely. i just… i don’t know how to be around people anymore.”

“let’s start with an introduction,” the other boy smiles. “my name is jeno. lee jeno.”

jaemin looks at jeno with a shy look on his face. to think that he was bawling his eyes out on his shoulder without having known his name—he feels embarrassed. “oh—right, yeah! i’m, uh—i’m na jaemin."

the two shake hands, and heat rises to jaemin’s cheeks at the contact. how long has it been since he’s touched another human being? how long has it been since he’s felt another person’s warmth? he can’t remember the last time. they talk for a moment longer, about nothing and everything all at once. jaemin doesn’t realize how long they’ve been chatting until his phone vibrates with a message from his mother.

“i didn’t realize how late it is,” jaemin admits sheepishly, showing jeno the time on his phone.

jeno snatches his phone away and types in his number. “if you ever feel like you need a friend, give me a call. i promise i’ll always pick up.”

jaemin smiles—genuinely, for the first time in over a year. and he has lee jeno to thank for that.

  
***

jaemin swears his heart stopped for a second when he sees jeno from across the classroom. jeno catches his gaze and flashes a smile at him, bringing up a hand to wave slightly. jaemin quickly averts his eyes and shakily taps at his phone, sending him a hurried text.

**jaemin ** : WE’RE IN THE SAME CLASS? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?  
**jeno**: i didn’t think you would talk to me if i led with that uwu

jaemin presses his lips together at jeno’s response, looking up to briefly sneak a glance at jeno (who is sitting not too far away from him, surrounded by his friends).

**jaemin**: you’re not wrong.  
**jeno**: you don’t have to talk to me in class if it makes you uncomfortable  
**jeno**: just know that i’m here for you if you need me.

***

shallow breaths, clammy hands, unfocused eyes, and a tear-stained face. jaemin hugs his knees as his silent cry becomes a sob. his chest aches with every beat of his heart, and he feels alone again. he’s all alone. at least, that’s what he thinks until his phone lights up and jeno’s name offers up the smallest of lights in the distance. shaky hands take the device in his hands and he doesn’t know if he should do it— should he call? should he text? he stares at his screen, only jeno’s message (_help me with this homework please ㅠㅠ_) in sight.

but then jeno makes the decision for him, and he flinches in a slight panic as his phone vibrates in his hand. “h-hey,” jaemin tries to sound cheerful, like he isn’t breaking down in his room at the thought of his loss. but maybe that’s what gives him away to jeno, who stays silent on the other line for a brief moment. _great, he probably thinks i’m stupid_.

but on the contrary, jeno can only think of jaemin and _is jaemin okay _and _what can i do?_ he listens to the sound of jaemin’s breathing on the other line, the sound of sniffling, the tremble in his voice. “i got you,” is all jeno can find himself saying, falling back against his bed. “i’m here with you.”

jeno is a key and he’s unlocked jaemin’s heart without even trying. his tears freely flow and jeno’s words (_you’re not alone, i’m here, it’s okay to cry_) feel like a warm embrace in the middle of a winter storm.

jaemin doesn’t know how to thank jeno.

jeno doesn’t think jaemin has to.

  
***

“i’m sorry i’ve been crying a lot,” jaemin says. they’re on the phone again, which has become almost routine to the two boys. it’s been six days in a row of calls and jaemin feels bad that all he does is cry while jeno keeps him company. “you’ve been so kind to me and we barely even know each other.”

jeno smiles to himself at the sound of jaemin’s voice. “i’d be more worried if you weren’t crying. you’re grieving over the loss of a loved one, it’s okay to cry. i’m happy to be here.”

jaemin finds himself smiling too, his homework long since abandoned on his desk. jeno’s voice is distracting. it reminds him of honey and for a moment—just a _brief_ moment—jaemin wonders if jeno would taste as sweet as he sounds. but he shoves this thought away as soon as it enters his mind because _no, na jaemin, you can’t think about that now_.

“hey jeno,” he interrupts the silent moment, staring up at his bedroom ceiling. “tell me something about you. who is lee jeno? what’s your story?”

“hmm,” jeno falls silent as he thinks about this question. jeno’s story, he asks. “it’s the first time someone’s asked me that,” he admits, his lips curled into a subtle smile. “my story, i guess, is that i know so many other stories but no one knows mine. i don’t really tell people.”

“when you feel comfortable, tell me,” jaemin says. “i want to know your story.”

“what about you, na jaemin? what’s your story?”

jaemin chuckles softly, trying to imagine what kind of face jeno was making on the other side of the call. “you know my story already. i lost a friend and now i’m grieving.”

jeno thinks jaemin’s laugh is a treasure and he wonders if jaemin knows that he could light up the world with that laugh. “your loss isn’t your whole story, though,” jeno counters. “who is na jaemin beyond the loss?”

another silence befalls them. “i— i don’t know,” he admits with a whisper. “i haven’t thought about it, honestly. i’ve been so consumed by my grief and lost myself in it so i don’t really know who i am anymore. but when i find out, when i find me again, i’ll tell you my story then.”

jeno smiles even though jaemin can’t see. “can’t wait.”

  
***

jaemin never really understood why people could text so much in one day. he usually only uses his phone to talk to his mom, especially now that he’s been keeping to himself so much. until jeno, that is. so when jeno texts him that morning with a picture of a puppy he met while walking to the university, jaemin doesn’t really think to respond.

another text comes in at lunch. this time, jeno sends him a picture of the food he got from a restaurant across the street from their next class. jaemin wonders if it’s normal to send texts even when the other person doesn’t reply. and he wonders if it’s normal to be sending random pictures like jeno did. again, jaemin doesn’t really think to respond.

he doesn’t get to the next text until he walks out of the classroom. it’s a picture of the back of his head, which jaemin finds ridiculous, but it brings a smile to his face nonetheless. he shakes his head and heaves a sigh, but this time, jaemin responds.

** jaemin ** : are you a stalker?  
** jeno ** : look what you’ve done  ㅠㅠ i have to resort to stuff like this to get your attention

jaemin chews on his lip to keep the smile on his face from spreading wider. his fingers hover over the digital keyboard as he thinks of what to reply back, but then he taps the little camera icon instead. _click_. jaemin isn’t really one for selfies but he doesn’t seem to exactly mind when it’s for jeno.

meanwhile, jeno chokes on his drink when he opens the [ message ](https://data.whicdn.com/images/324319749/original.png) and his friend haechan slaps his back with an annoyed look on his face. _thump_. his heart is beating abnormally loud. he wipes his face and thanks haechan, who tells him he’s been weird lately.

jeno tells him it’s nothing and haechan doesn’t believe him but he doesn’t say much else. he’d much rather hurry up and meet up with mark than goad jeno into telling him. (jeno always tells eventually, anyway.) they say their farewells and jeno pauses on the street, phone in hand, ready to take another picture to respond.

_ click _ . and send.

** jaemin ** : you’re stupid

jeno is grinning like an idiot, face pink and warm, wondering if he’s managed to put a smile on jaemin’s face today. he doesn’t know it but he did. he absolutely did.

because jaemin is grinning like an idiot too, even though jeno can’t see.

  
***

“morning, mom,” jaemin greets, placing a kiss to his mother’s cheek before scanning the kitchen for any food. “haven’t cooked yet or takeout?”

jaemin’s mom stares at him for a while before finally shaking her head. “jaemin.” slowly, her lips curl into the warmest of smiles, pulling her son into her arms. jaemin blinks in confusion at the sudden gesture, but he relaxes in her arms and wraps his own around her small frame. “hi.”

he chuckles and squeezes her tightly. “hi mom,” he says, pulling away to look at the woman who’s always been there for him no matter what happened, who now has tears in her eyes while she takes his face into her hands. “i’m sorry i’ve been… bad. i mean, i’ve— you know—”

she shushes him softly, again enveloping him in her embrace. “you don’t have to apologize for anything,” she says. “i love you. i’m glad you’ve been feeling better.”

“i actually, uh,” he looks away shyly, pressing his lips together as he debates whether or not to tell her about jeno. but his face is a dead giveaway and his mom already _knows_. he can see it on her face as soon as he looked back at her. “i made a friend.”

she grins at him. “uh-huh, a _friend_,” she says, emphasizing that last word with a playfulness he hasn’t heard from her in a long time. “what’s your friend’s name? how’d you meet?”

jaemin sits with his mother by the kitchen counter and begins to recount the night they met. and as he speaks, his eyes widen in realization—time has passed and it’s already been over a month. he smiles sheepishly and looks over at his mother, who pokes his cheek in response.

“i noticed,” she tells him, stroking his hair lightly. “your smile slowly returning, your eyes lighting up again. i was too nervous to ask, but i noticed. and you have no idea how happy i am that you’re moving forward.”

his mom just smiles at him as he continues to tell her about all that’s happened since. the nightly phone calls, the random pictures jeno sends him, everything. and in her mind, mrs. na thinks, _thank you, jeno, for bringing my son back to me_.

  
***

today, all eyes are on jaemin and jeno. because today, jaemin moves from his spot in the front to sit next to jeno a couple of rows back. haechan openly gawks at the two of them, staring at one face and then the other. he turns to look at renjun with a questioning look on his face, who merely shrugs as though to say _i have no idea_. but then both haechan and renjun flinch because jaemin clears his throat.

and then jaemin says, “hi.”

(“is he blushing?!” haechan mouths at renjun, who merely grins.)

“hey.” jeno says in response, unable to hide the smile forming on his lips.

(“now _he_’s blushing.” haechan mouths at renjun and they both, at this point, have burst into fits of laughter.)

both jaemin and jeno thank the professor for walking in at that very moment because jaemin isn’t used to all this attention and jeno is getting close to punching haechan in the mouth for being so damn _loud_.

sitting next to jaemin proves to both be extremely motivating and extremely distracting. jaemin is jotting down notes with ease and jeno doesn’t want to seem stupid so he _tries_ to pay attention. but he can see jaemin from the corner of his eye and he can’t help but want to simply watch him. it’s the first time they’ve been so close since the river.

jaemin feels like his heart is gonna run up his throat and jog away with how fast it’s beating against his ribcage. could a strong heartbeat crack your ribs? jaemin knows it couldn’t possibly, but he’s doubting his own knowledge because of how he’s feeling at that very moment. could jeno tell how nervous he is? (the answer is no. jeno is too distracted by how long jaemin’s lashes are.)

“yo!” haechan yells and karate chops the back of jeno’s head. only then does jeno look away from jaemin, glaring at haechan who is laughing his ass off behind him. “s-sorry,” he manages when he finally calms himself down. “you just looked so dumb staring at him like that.”

jeno throws his pen at haechan and adamantly denies the staring. but jaemin can only think about how close jeno was and the heat rises to his face as he gathers his things.

“don’t listen to him, i wasn’t staring!” jeno says defensively, ignoring haechan who’s still dying behind him.

“o-oh,” jaemin laughs nervously, slowly standing. “i— um— it’s okay. i mean, if you were.” he clears his throat, slinging his bag over his shoulder. he and jeno have been sending each other pictures everyday for a while now but it still doesn’t prepare him for the rush of emotions he feels being so close to jeno in person. “d-do you want to, uh— well, um, do you want to have lunch together today?”

jeno wonders how it got so hot. it’s the middle of winter and his face feels ridiculously hot and he’s actually sweating. he can’t take his eyes off of jaemin, who’s just so damn beautiful up close. but before he could say anything, haechan speaks from behind him in an annoying high pitched voice to mockingly say, “of course i will! i’ve been waiting for this day since the moment we met! my dreams have finally come true!”

jaemin just stares in awe as jeno puts haechan in a headlock all while smiling that eyeless smile of his. the other guy (renjun, jaemin remembers from one of jeno’s stories) sidles over next to him and offers an apologetic smile. “sorry about him,” renjun says with a shake of his head. “he’s a little brat, but he’s not a bad guy. he just loves teasing jeno.”

“oh. oh, yeah, it’s okay! i just—i, um, well i’m not used to being around too many people.” jaemin finds himself just staring as jeno bickers with haechan. it’s so lively—so different from the life he’s gotten used to over this past year. jaemin smiles and then turns to renjun, bowing his head politely. “i—i’m sorry i haven’t introduced myself. i’m na jaemin.”

“call me renjun.” renjun dips his head politely in return. “yeah, haechan’s pretty much five people in one. jeno and i are used to him by now since we grew up together, but he still becomes too much to even us sometimes.”

jaemin nods politely as he listens to renjun, who has offered up childhood stories to explain the trio’s dynamics. jaemin wonders if the jeno he knows now is still similar to the jeno they grew up with, and he finds himself smiling again as he looks over at jeno.

“come on, idiot, let’s go.” renjun finally speaks up and drags haechan by the shirt away from jeno. “mark-hyung is going to kill you if you’re late to your date.”

the playfulness on haechan’s face disappears and is replaced by a huge grin. “let’s get to know each other next time!” haechan calls out before he makes for the door.

jeno reappears by his side, looking as though he had aged ten years because of that whole ordeal. “sorry about that, he’s annoying,” jeno says as he slips his backpack on. “so lunch?”

jaemin smiles and nods. “lunch.”

  
***

jaemin has never been in a group chat. until jeno, that is. when he gets home after class, his phone starts vibrating and he’s in a group with two numbers he doesn’t know. his confusion clears when he reads the messages and he can’t help but chuckle. haechan is as chaotic in his texts as he is in person. he starts by making fun of jeno, who isn’t even in the chat, then ends by asking jaemin if he could help them with the homework. apparently, haechan isn’t very good at studying and renjun feels like he can’t leave haechan alone with new people without supervision. jaemin asks why jeno isn’t in this proposed study group and then he blushes when he reads haechan’s reply.

** haechan ** : you two won’t be able to get work done or help us  
** haechan ** : all you do is sneak glances at each other  
** haechan ** : just kiss already  
** haechan ** : want me to push you so you can “accidentally” fall into him like in dramas

is it possible for a human face to burn and turn completely red? jaemin feels like his skin is beet red and it’s too obvious that he’s shy and embarrassed and secretly imagining that scenario happening. and he’s even more shy and embarrassed that the scenario doesn’t seem so bad and he wouldn’t hate it.

and when jeno calls him later that night, he imagines that scenario again and he’s so thankful that they never video call because he’s afraid that his face would give it all away.

“jaemin?”

the sound of his voice brings him out of his imagination and into reality and he clears his throat before responding. “yeah, sorry, i was spacing out.”

“no, it’s okay, i was just apologizing for giving them your number,” jeno laughs softly. “i didn’t actually give it to them. haechan stole it from my phone.”

“oh, it’s fine!” jaemin hasn’t really been in a group chat before but he actually rather likes it. he’s been on his own for so long that he’s forgotten what it feels like to be around other people. and even though they’re jeno’s friends, they never once treated jaemin like an outsider. “i— well, i’m still kind of awkward but i’m thankful. they’re really nice. i feel kind of bad, actually. i’m still this weird around them even though they’ve welcomed me and always include me in things. your friends are really nice, jeno.”

jeno falls silent and he, too, is glad that they don’t video call because he has a stupid grin on his face and he probably looks like an idiot. “hey, they’ll be sad to hear that,” jeno says. “they’re your friends now too.”

jaemin blinks. and then he blinks again. and then again.

“jeno,” jaemin then says. “i… i have friends.”

“yes, jaemin. you do.”

“thank you.” _it’s all thanks to you._

  
***

when jeno walks in, mrs. na tries really hard not to overwhelm him with love. she tries _really_ hard because she knows that not all parents are like her and not all sons are like na jaemin. but then jeno smiles at her and greets her with a bow as soon as he slips his shoes off by the door and that’s all it takes for her to throw any form of self-control out the door and pull him into an alarmingly tight hug.

“hi jeno! i’ve heard so much about you and i’m so glad i can finally meet you!”

jaemin looks over at jeno and says, “i told you she’s a bit... _affectionate_.”

jeno beams at the woman (who pulls away to pout at her son) before shaking his head. “no, it’s okay, it’s really sweet. thank you, auntie. jaemin talks about you a lot too. i can see where he gets his beauty from.”

jeno’s smile can melt any heart and mrs. na’s is no exception. in those five minutes of quick interaction, jaemin can tell that his mother has completely fallen for jeno. but who could blame her? he’s lee jeno, the human embodiment of a mother’s dream child. jaemin has to physically separate the two because his mother is clinging onto jeno and showering him with an overwhelming amount of affection and he knows that jeno is too polite to refuse her if he were uncomfortable.

so he tells her they’ll be upstairs and she continues to just grin at them as soon as she gets jeno to agree to have dinner with them. jaemin apologizes for his mother again, though jeno shakes his head and says he finds her endearing. they walk into jaemin’s room and jeno pauses by the door when he realizes that _he’s in jaemin’s room_. his imagination runs wild, wondering where jaemin was when they talked about _this_ and _that_ or _this moment_ or _that moment_. and jeno didn’t think that jaemin could get any cuter until he sees all the stuffed animals on his bed.

jaemin looks back and tilts his head questioningly. “what’s wrong?”

“huh? oh, nothing. i just think your stuffed animals are cute.”

it’s hard being around jeno in person because when he says things like that, jaemin’s stomach starts to feel funny and he doesn’t know where to look since looking at jeno makes things worse. “o-oh, yeah, i collect those,” he says, hoping that the funny feeling goes away because he can’t work on his homework when everything inside him is screaming _jeno jeno jeno_. “at this point, i can’t sleep without having at least one with me. if they could talk, they’d say i’m clingy and cry too much.”

“that’s adorable,” jeno tells him, making his way towards one of the dolls. he wonders how many tears this particular one has caught, how many heartbreaks it’s seen. he remembers jaemin telling him that he’s felt alone all this time—maybe the dolls helped him cope. “i never took you for the clingy type.”

jaemin laughs sheepishly and pulls his homework out, gesturing for jeno to do the same. “that’s…” jaemin trails off but then a smile spreads on his lips. “it’s part of my story. the na jaemin beyond the loss. he’s clingy and critical and complains a lot, but he loves everyone and cries easily and always does his best.”

“so that’s the story of na jaemin beyond the loss.” jeno looks him in the eye and they smile at each other like that for a second. and then jeno reaches out to pat jaemin on the head and he says, “i’m proud of you.”

  
***

by the time they finish dinner, jaemin’s mom says it’s too late for jeno to walk home and that he should just stay over for the night. she grins at jaemin, who’s glaring at her. she shrugs her shoulders with a playful look on her face and that’s all jaemin needs to see to know she’s planned this from the beginning. she hands over pajamas for jeno to wear, leading him towards the bathroom so he can get ready to rest.

when he’s done, he goes back to jaemin’s room and jaemin can’t help but laugh seeing jeno in his clothes. “i’m so sorry for my mom,” he says. “she means well, but she can be a bit pushy. she’s really excited that i’ve made friends again so she’s going a little overboard.”

“it’s really okay,” jeno reassures him. “i like your mom a lot. she’s so warm and loving. i can understand why you’re a mama’s boy.”

jaemin scoots over to make room for jeno on his bed. and from then they lie awake, talking as though they were just having one of their late night phone calls. it’s different being in the same room. jaemin can’t hide his facial expressions when jeno says something that makes him feel that funny feeling in his stomach. jeno feels like he shouldn’t smile as much as he usually does because he’s afraid jaemin would think he’s weird. but as the minutes tick by, the painful awareness disappears and all that’s left is comfort. safety, almost.

“are you okay right now?” jeno asks, sneaking a peak at the other. for over a year, jaemin’s been afraid of closing his eyes. and jeno knows that sometimes jaemin fears sleep. but with jeno right by jaemin’s side, he isn’t scared anymore. and maybe it’s the night breeze or the way his heart is trying to run out of his chest, or maybe it’s just jeno being there, but jaemin wants him to know that.

“i am,” jaemin starts with a whisper. “i feel safe and it doesn’t make sense. why—i can’t—” he pauses and takes a deep breath, reaching out to take jeno’s hand in his. his face is hot again and the funny feeling is back but he has to say it. he wants to. “when i’m with you, everything just feels so much better. it’s like i’m not afraid of anything and even if something did happen, i feel like i can get through it because you’re here believing in me.”

jeno usually knows what to say. but at that very moment, his mind goes blank and it’s like he doesn’t know how to speak. all that’s clear is that jaemin’s hand is in his and jaemin feels better being with him and he really _really _wants to pull jaemin into his arms and just hold him impossibly close to him.

and so he does exactly that.

and jaemin is surprised and stiff and _oh my god oh my god oh my god he’s hugging me so close_. but jeno doesn’t let go and just holds him. and it doesn’t take long for jaemin to relax in his arms and melt into the warmth of jeno’s body against his. no more words break the silence of the night and they fall asleep like that, with smiles on their faces and their hearts beating together as one.

  
***

** mom ** : thought you might want this  
** mom ** : [image]

jaemin turns beet red as the screen shows him and jeno fast asleep in each other’s arms. jeno peeks at his phone and turns red himself. jeno clears his throat and points at the photo before saying, “could you… send that to me?”

jaemin blinks a couple of times but he obliges and sends it. and then he stares at the photo again and notices that they were both smiling while asleep. jeno grins as he opens the photo on his phone and quickly saves it. it’s their first picture together and it’s a stolen photo taken by jaemin’s very supportive mother.

“how did you sleep?” jeno asks, helping jaemin make his bed.

jaemin fluffs his pillows and organizes his stuffed animals before looking up and smiling at jeno. “it’s the best sleep i’ve had in over a year.”

jeno grins and says, “me too.”

what greets them downstairs is a feast fit for royalty. but jeno isn’t really surprised because jaemin’s mom treats jaemin like he’s a prince and it just makes sense for him to be eating like one. but jaemin is staring at this feast like it’s his first time seeing so much food and he yells for his mother, who gaily walks towards them, proud of her hard work.

“mother!” jaemin is yelling and jeno tries not to look too surprised because one, it’s the first time he’s ever heard jaemin yell; and two, jeno thinks jaemin’s voice is actually kind of really attractive. jaemin sounds exasperated as he complains to his mother, hand on his hips disapprovingly. “did you cook everything in the kitchen?!”

“hush, my child,” she’s humming and the expressions on her face are all effortlessly beautiful. “do you know how long it’s been since i last cooked for you?! let me have my moment!”

“mother, you made dinner for us last night!”

they have this back and forth that’s so completely new to jeno that he just can’t help but stare. eventually, they start eating when both jaemin and his mother realize that jeno has just been staring at them that whole time. and when jaemin goes to the bathroom, his mother whispers into jeno’s ear, “he promised me when he was eight that he’d cook breakfast for us for as long as we’re still living together. so he’s upset he didn’t get to do it today.”

jeno thinks jaemin is amazing and he’s so glad he was there that night at the river.

  
***

it’s 9am and jeno is late and jaemin sits there awkwardly wondering if he looks okay. because his mom kept telling him to change, insisting that today is date day and he needs to look his best for jeno. jaemin doesn’t really know if it actually _is_ a date and he feels weird because he’s kind of secretly hoping that it is. but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up so he tries not to think about it.

“i’m so sorry!” jeno is suddenly in front of him, hands on his knees as he huffs and puffs and tries to catch his breath. “i would have gotten here sooner if haechan didn’t keep asking me questions i didn’t know how to answer. i kept telling him i had to go but he looked like he was going to cry.”

“wait, what? what happened to haechan?”

“love,” jeno snorts. “love is what happened to him. who knew those things could be so dramatic?”

before jaemin can say anything in response, his phone rings and lo and behold—it’s haechan giving him a call. jeno tells him he can ignore it since he’s probably just going to complain about jeno, but jaemin is too polite and answers the call anyway. “hey hae—”

“YOUR BOYFRIEND IS AN ASS. HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUT UP WITH HIM?”

haechan keeps going. he’s talking and yelling and he’s speaking so fast that it almost sounds like he’s rapping. but jeno and jaemin are quiet and hot and red and _did haechan just say that word_? and the silence becomes even more apparent once haechan hangs up because neither of them can seem to wrap their heads around _that word_. that is, until jaemin breaks the silence and starts to talk, “err, um, did—i mean—did you tell haechan that you’re my, um, you know—” jaemin can’t seem to finish his sentence and his face feels like it’s burning as he trails off and stares at his hands.

“i didn’t!” jeno says in a panic. but then he coughs and nervously scratches at his cheek as he slowly brings his gaze up to jaemin’s face. “i mean—i—i didn’t,” he says shyly. “but i, um, i—i would like to be…”

jaemin doesn’t think he’s hearing correctly. did jeno just—did he really say that? he’s in so much disbelief that he’s just red and quiet and _oh my god he really did just actually say that_. then finally jaemin meets jeno’s gaze and chokes out, “me too!” he clears his throat again and it’s a struggle not to look away as the heat on his face rises even more. “i mean… i—i would also like to, um—if you—” jaemin takes a deep breath to collect himself. he’s usually a smart kid but for some reason, he just goes dumb around jeno. “i would also like to be… your, um—” that word.

_ boyfriend _ .

jeno chews on his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling too much because his face is starting to hurt and there’s still so much he wants to say. but when he opens his mouth to try talking, nothing really comes out. and in the end, all he can manage to do is hold his hand out to jaemin and say, “boyfriend?”

there’s that word again. that word is strange because it’s so weird to say and so weird to hear. but there they are just silent and red and trying not to scream because _oh god that word_. jaemin especially has a continuous scream in his mind and he wants to yell and run around because that funny feeling in his stomach is so much stronger than it’s ever been. he wishes he could shut everything up so he could hear himself think, but it doesn’t really matter because all that’s actually in his head is jeno and _that word_. boyfriend.

it’s automatic though—the way jaemin slips his fingers in the spaces between jeno’s as soon as it’s offered to him. and he’s still blushing and internally screaming but he finds enough self-control to nod and look jeno straight in the eye and say, “boyfriend.”

jeno thinks it’s stupid how quickly his mood changed. one minute, he’s livid that haechan made him late and now he feels like thanking the idiot for saying _that word_ and leading them to this moment.

and maybe it’s because they’re now _that word_, boyfriends, but jaemin suddenly as a burst of confidence and asks jeno, “is this a date?” i mean, did you—were you on your way here thinking you were late for a date?”

“i—well, to be honest, i wasn’t sure…” jeno looks away shyly (and jaemin feels like dying because jeno is so freaking cute). “i didn’t think much of it but mark hyung said it sounded like a date. i was actually wondering if you think it is too.”

jaemin can’t help but laugh, unconsciously giving jeno’s hand a squeeze as he does. “we were thinking the same,” he admits sheepishly. “i don’t know if it is but… i’m kind of hoping it is.”

“me too,” jeno says with a stupidly wide smile. “i guess this is our first date. as a couple.”

jaemin starts to wonder if it’s possible to die of extreme positive emotions. jaemin’s heart feels like it’s going to explode and his tummy is doing somersaults over and over and over again. he looks at jeno and then at their hands for the first time in a while, jaemin can say with absolute certainty—

na jaemin is finally happy again.

  
***

haechan is the first (and only) to make a fuss when jeno and jaemin walk into the classroom with their fingers laced together. he gapes and gawks and _demands_ (yells) for details because _how, where, when_? renjun smacks him on the back of the head and tells him to calm down (although he whispers in jaemin’s ear that he would like to know details as well). jeno and jaemin look at each other and they’re smiling like always, and it’s like nothing’s changed but so much has.

at lunch, haechan is still making a fuss until mark walks in and haechan turns his attention to him instead. renjun takes this opportunity to talk to jaemin, asking the exact questions haechan was asking though not as loudly. jaemin thinks back to that night at his house and then that morning downtown and his cheeks burn a bright pink at the memories.

“i— um, it’s haechan, actually…”

and it’s like the boy has sensitive hearing to his name because he stops flirting with mark and yells for jaemin and renjun to include him in the conversation. jeno stops haechan from leaping across the table to sit next to the other two, and haechan responds with a glare but he doesn’t chew jeno’s head off because mark is there watching him.

“okay,” haechan clears his throat and speaks loud enough to be heard. “what about haechan?”

jaemin can’t fight the smile that tugs at the corners of his lips. “haechan was really pissed off at jeno and called me to yell,” at this point haechan looks a little embarrassed, especially when he sees mark staring at him with a subtle smile on his lips. “and he said—”

“oh!” haechan exclaims loudly, snapping his fingers. “your boyfriend is an ass!” he repeats the very words that started everything, and just like the first time, jeno and jaemin are silent and red and _oh god that word_. haechan stares at jaemin with a teasing grin, then at jeno, then at jaemin again. “wow, this is my work. you’re welcome!”

renjun snorts at this and then they all chorus in laughter.

jaemin remembers what he thought that morning and smiles. he’s happy. he has a loving boyfriend. and he has friends who genuinely care about him. jaemin doesn’t know what in the world he did in his past life to have been given so many good people in his life, but he hopes he meets them all again in his next.

  
***

jaemin has never really met a friend’s parents before. his late best friend is the exception. so when jeno says he wants to introduce jaemin to his parents, jaemin feels his heart racing and his nerves going on overdrive. should he dress a certain way? is there some sort of protocol to follow when meeting another person’s parents? jaemin’s mother is affectionate and loud, would jeno’s be the same?

he’s deep in thought when renjun pokes him lightly on the head. “what’s got you looking so serious, jaemin?”

jaemin grabs renjun’s shoulders with a desperate look on his face and says, “parents! jeno’s parents!”

renjun falls silent and his face goes rigid for barely a second, but jaemin is too observant not to notice. “oh no,” jaemin begins to panic, his shoulders slumping as he releases his hold on the other. “are they tough? do you think they’ll hate me?”

renjun shakes his head, hands waving around in an attempt to dismiss whatever face he made that has led to jaemin’s reaction. “no, no, don’t worry!” he tries to reassure jaemin (it’s not really working), placing a comforting hand on his back. “you’re a good guy and you make jeno really happy. that’s all parents ever really want for their kid. you’ll be okay, trust me.”

jaemin stays unconvinced but he takes a deep breath and tries to believe it anyway. he spends the rest of the day rehearsing, going over words in his head like he’s preparing to a presentation about na jaemin, the boy who is dating their son, the boy wants to make their son happy, the boy who wants to be the best for their son.

but then jaemin is confused when he and jeno walk to han river, near the spot where they first met. “wait, jeno, are we—”

but before he can finish his question, jeno is already grabbing his hand and tugging him along the path. they walk farther away from the bench that started it all, and he’s staring at jeno but jeno keeps his gaze forward. “i wanted to go on a picnic,” jeno says while walking, smile firmly planted on his lips. “it’s been a while.”

“oh—” jaemin says, matching jeno’s pace. “i wish you told me. i would’ve cooked us some nice snacks.”

jeno shakes his head. “i got it, don’t worry.”

they keep walking like that, hand in hand. and as they talk and seemingly wander, jaemin almost forgets what he’s been worried about all day. but then jeno stops and they’re close to the water, a blanket laid down before they got there (which jaemin assumes is jeno’s doing). jeno takes his seat first, patting an empty spot next to him which jaemin takes. he offers a story about his childhood, how he always went on picnics with his family every sunday. it was never quite a full meal, just a bunch of snacks for him to munch on since they spend most of the time riding bikes or kayaking anyway.

when jeno places a hand on jaemin’s, they both just end up smiling. the calm of the water is soothing and all of jaemin’s nerves have finally calmed down. jeno looks at jaemin and jaemin feels his heart beating so intensely in his chest that he’s worried jeno can hear it.

but then jeno looks out at the water and says, “my parents are there.”

jaemin follows his gaze towards the river in front of them and his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. “in the water?”

“yeah, well, everywhere around us pretty much,” jeno says quietly. “i lost them when i was eleven. we got into a car accident on our way home and i was the only one who survived.” at this point jaemin is stunned silent and he can’t keep his eyes from locking onto jeno’s features, sensitive to the subtlest changes in his smile, the slightest of twitches in his muscles. “my aunt and i took their ashes here. we let some into the river, and the rest we just let the wind scatter.”

“jeno…” jaemin doesn’t really know what more to say. he’s been through loss, but it was jeno who helped him truly move forward from it. his chest is aching as he throws his arms around jeno and holds him tightly, hoping that his warmth could reach him better than words ever could.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner,” jeno whispers in his ear as he returns the tight embrace. “i didn’t want my story changing yours. my grief became my life when it first happened and i’ve learned over time to use that loss to do everything my parents would have wanted me to. i guess i really wanted you to find your own story without knowing mine. not yet, at least.”

jaemin shakes his head and holds jeno tighter. “it’s okay. thank you for telling me now anyway.”

they stay in each other’s arms for a while longer before jeno pulls out a scrapbook from his bag. they flip through the pages, going through the memories jeno holds dear together. each picture tells a story and jeno smiles and laughs and cries as he talks about each one. when they reach the final page, the one date without a picture, jeno holds jaemin’s hand tightly and asks, “would you… put the last picture in with me? i have it but i never really felt like adding it in, not until now. i really want you to do it with me.”

jaemin says yes in a heartbeat.

and when the scrapbook is finally finished, they place it safely back in jeno’s bag and they write letters to his parents, which they decide to burn in the end. and when jaemin asks what he wrote, jeno says, “that i love you.” and then he stares at jaemin with the brightest smile he’s ever seen, the stars shining in his eyes. jaemin’s heart is about to burst as he plays jeno’s voice over and over and over again in his mind. _i love you, i love you, i love you_.

it doesn’t take long for jaemin to wrap his arms around jeno’s body and tell him, “i love you too.”

  
***

“hi, hyung. it’s me, na jaemin.”

the night air is a welcome change to the ridiculously heated classrooms of winter as he sits in front of the hand river. he holds his head high, staring up at the sky with a gentle smile. “another year has passed,” he says to the stars. “it’s been two whole years since that night. i miss you, hyung.”

he sighs heavily as his gaze locks onto the river, watching the gentle flow of the water. he’s here again— but he’s no longer alone. here beside him sits lee jeno, who is good and kind and all sorts of perfect, holding his hand as his tears begin to fall. “you guys would have gotten along so well,” jaemin whispers as he faces the man beside him. “and he definitely would have gotten along really well with haechan and renjun.”

they chuckle softly, jeno reaching out to wipe jaemin’s tears with the pads of his thumbs.

their gazes shift from the river to the boys running and playing around nearby, yelling and screaming and laughing hysterically at who knows what. haechan is taunting renjun again, who is chasing after him while yelling for mark. mark is just sitting on the grass, laughing like a madman while watching the other two tease each other. the only time silence falls is in that brief moment when renjun greets his two friends who had just moved to the city. but it’s short-lived because they meet haechan soon after and if jaemin has learned anything after almost a year of knowing haechan, it’s almost impossible not to be yelling with or at him at least once in your life. the two boys start running around too and they play like they’ve known haechan all their lives.

“i love you, jeno.” jaemin whispers.

jeno pulls his gaze away from the scene in front of them to look deeply into his eyes and says, “i love you, jaemin.”

maybe it’s because they’re underneath the moon and stars and the beautiful night sky, watched over by the ones they’ve lost, surrounded by friends who’ve helped them grow and keep going, but all jaemin wants to do is pull jeno close and declare his love with a soft and gentle kiss.

and so he does exactly that.

<s> (haechan starts yelling as soon as he sees it, and the rest of the boys follow.) </s>


End file.
